In Rex's Head
by Bowlingforshrimp
Summary: The title says it all. Dedicated to XJerseyGirl.


This one's for you, XJerseyGirl...wow, I actually understand that now. You used to live in Jersey. I'm smart. Jeez.

**In Rex's Head**

Yawn. Another day, another grape, cheeto, donut, Froot Loop, or Cheerio. Can't Stephanie ever feed me anything healthy? I may not be a rabbit...but still. I like to keep myself in good shape, just in case Stephanie gets a lady hamster. I think my name, Rex, is pretty manly. I think it would attract the ladies. But Stephanie can't seem to get the hint. I mean, I exercise daily, I bite her every time I get the chance, and I watch intently everytime she has a man over to get tips.

Today was different. Stephanie got up early.

"Mornin', Rex," Stephanie said, dumping a handful of Froot Loops into my cage. I backed out of the lovely Soup Can House, squashed as many Loops as I could in my mouth, and stuffed myself back into the soup can. It smelled vividly of Chicken Soup and I couldn't get enough of it. Plus, I wasn't feeling too friendly to Stephanie right now. I mean come on, I'm what, three? Four years old? I ain't gettin' any younger, here. I needed a lady in my life. I was gettin' those _needs_.

"You're getting a roommate today, Rex," Stephanie said. Roommate? What's that? "Mary Lou's family is going on vacation and she needs me to watch her kid's hamster. Since I'm such a good hamster mommy, she asked me to watch her. Isn't that great?"

Her? _HER?!_ I'm getting a _girl_ roommate? I spat out all the fatty Froot Loops and zoomed over to the running wheel. If there was a lady coming over, I needed to burn calories. I needed to lift weights. What I needed to be was a Ranger version of a hamster. Now that guy knew what he was doing.

* * *

All day Stephanie was gone. I heard the door open and sprang up from my afternoon nap, licking my paws and smoothing my fur down, getting ready for my new lady friend. But it wasn't Stephanie. 

He was a big huge guy. It wasn't Joe, or Ranger, or that Tank guy. It wasn't Lula. It wasn't Valerie. It was a huge mean looking guy. I wasn't scared. I'd take him! I faced a _cat,_ fachristsake. The guy stormed around the apartment, looking for something. Probably Stephanie. I've seen lots of people in here looking for Stephanie.

The guy came back into the kitchen. He wrote something on a piece of paper and left it on my cage, blocking out all the light. HEY I WAS TANNING, HERE! The guy left. Dang. Now I wasn't going to get mocha latte skin like Ranger. Yeah, Stephanie talks a lot.

* * *

A little while later Stephanie came home. Ranger was with her. I had been running some more on my wheel, getting ready for the big night. Stephanie set a delux glass home complete with plastic jungle gym high-rise on the counter next to me. She noticed the piece of paper on my roof and started reading it aloud to Ranger. I wasn't paying attention. I was busy beefing myself up for the little lady next door. 

"Why does this always happen to _ME?!_" Stephanie yelled and I fell off the wheel in surprise. I righted myself instantly, brushing off the barkchip shavings and smoothing my hair down. I looked over to the new house next door and lost all my breath. Standing there, peering out of a little plastic house, was the most beautiful creature to ever grace the Earth. Big black eyes, long shiny whiskers, and fur white as sun shining on snow.

I needed to find out her name. This was my dream girl. I needed to get Stephanie's attention, but she was pacing the kitchen, muttering about the note. I didn't get what the big deal was. This happened all the time. I jumped on my wheel and ran for all I was worth. When that didn't get anyone's attention, I jammed myself into my soup can and rolled around, making it thunk against the glass wall.

"I think your hamster is having a seizure," Ranger said.

"He just does that when I don't clean his cage," Stephanie said. She lifted the roof off my house and scooped me up. "He can stay with Lucy while I clean it."

"Babe," Ranger said.

I was flying through the air in Stephanie's hand. Lucy. It suited the sexy little vixen perfectly. Stephanie opened the hatch on Lucy's roof and dropped me in.

"Lucy, this is Rex. Rex, meet Lucy." Stephanie closed the hatch. Now it was just me and my dream girl.

"Hey baby," I said, trying to emphasize my tough _I faced a cat and lived_ image.

"Jeezus christ, give it up," Lucy said, rolling her big, black, gorgeous eyes.

I waggled what I figured were my eyebrows at her. "Come on, Lucy baby, you know you want me."

Lucy laughed a glorious laugh. "Yeah right, Studmuffin. You're gonna have to work harder than that."

I casually licked my paws. A challenge.


End file.
